Harry BawBags Blurt

Graffiti

Screw that!!!

Graffiti is pure magic ahm telling ye!!!

I was oot n aboot in doontoon Devon the day and came across some wonderful examples.

I dont mean the high brow arty stuff by the likes of Banksy.

Naw!!

None o that shite!!!

This stuff was done by the underclass – the stinking rotten shell suited underclass … I cant believe they still wear those fuckin things.

Their graffiti has no artistic pretensions whatsoever – Whatd’ye expect!? … these fuckers didnae even go to school, never mind bunk off an art lesson.

This one I found particularly charming … so much so I just had to take a snap with the old camera phone …

Poor old Shannon Chambers.

She has a HUGE AND BAGGY Fanny.

Not just a HUGE one.

Not just a BAGGY one.

BUT A HUGE AND BAGGY ONE!!!

Imagine strolling along one day and seeing that written about yourself?

Whit about your wife or girlfriend?

Whit about your daughter? … Christ!!! … what a family dinner table conversation that would make.

“Darling youve done wonders with the ham!!! … but listen, before we take it to the table I need to have word with you about Shannon”

“Shannon? … is it the Ski Trip to Austria? … shes studied so hard we SHOULD reward her – let her know how proud we are of her!”

“No Darling, its not the ski trip. Listen I dont know how to say this but while I was out with the dogs for our morming stroll I saw something written on a wall regarding Shannon.”

“Really Darling – What did it say?!!!”

“It said she had a huge and baggy fanny”

“A WHAT???”

“… um … a huge and baggy fanny … darling, Darling, DARLING where are you going! … Lets eat before we bring it up with her!!! Oh God!”

“Right you ya wee fuckin hoor!!! Take yer HUGE and BAGGY fanny up they stairs tae yer bed – and yer no gettin any fuckin dinner here the night!!!!!!!!!!!!”

Dirty Wee Hoor!!!

Poor wee Shannon Chambers eh!

Whit a wonderful world we live in.

Huge and Baggy Fannies.

Dear oh Dear.

Michael Moorcocks Jerry Cornelius Novels.

Ahve been reading these for a bit of a change lately and I have just finished the first one – The Final Programme.

Its no ma normal reading matter … but neither is Mein Kampf … it takes all sorts tae make up a library I suppose!

Old Jerry Cornelius eh?! … he has taken me outa masel for a wee bit and Ive been needin a wee bit of escapism lately.

I liked the bit at the end … the new improved super human being … riding on the shoulders of his army of followers … ever increasing in number as they sweep from Lapland aw the way down through Europe – leaving it aw empty and barren behind it. The Pope stays behind alone and solitary in the Vatican for a wee bit … but then says fuck it and catches up with the Cornelius throng. Eventually they aw get to the Black Sea and they aw drown keeping Cornelius on their shoulders all the way across and he ends up on the beach near Byzantium …

“This is the life” yawned Cornelius Brunner, whose skull contained the sum of human knowledge. “I think I might as well kip down here as anywhere”.

Magic!

All of that in two pages! … Now thats an economy of prose if I ever read one!

And besides … any book that contains a Succubus gets a thumbs up fae Bawbags.

Succubus.

I just like the sound o it.

OK?!

The Sopranos.

Its back on Channel 4 the noo.

I dont entertain fantasies about being a gangster. The thought of living like that is not an attractive one.

Apart from the good food.

But every time its on the tele it completely absorbs me.

Magic

“Ham on Rye” by Charles Bukowski

Ive been revisiting some of the novels I read as a teenager lately.

I loved Bukowski and amassed a huge collection of his writings.

There was something in the way he used words – the economy of his prose and all that arty farty stuff.

This beats all his more popular works hands down though.

Everyone talks about “Post Office”, “Women”, “Factotum” etc etc … although they are all great I soon got worn down by their inherent misogyny.

This one is about his childhood and avoids all that tripe.

Henry Chinaski … ye cannae beat him!

Tubular Lock Picks

I managed to get my hands on a pair of these. I got them out of curiousity. They almost completely take the skill out of picking tubular locks. Thats the kind of locks people have on motorbikes, cycles, drink dispensers etc.

They work.

Almost frighteningly so.

Makes you feel a bit like James Bond so it does.

They aint illegal to own but they are not allowed to be used for illegal purposes.

Thats a bit daft.

… Tempting, aint it ?!

BUNNETS

Harry BawBags loves Bunnets!!!

All shapes, colors, textures … I love em so I do.

Lots of men wear them to cover up baldness or receeding hair. No me, full head of hair to be thankful for. But having what would be described as a “crew cut”, I need them to keep ma poor wee heid warm!

I use to have long hair but it was a pain in the arse … you’d have to spend all that time combing and brushing and all that other shite. I got out ma bed one morning when I was a teenager and I thought “Sod it” and went doon the barbers for a skinhead.

You gotta remember NOBODY had a skinhead back then … memories of the “boot boys” I suppose … associations with violent disaffected youth … I wasn’t one of them though – I was a pussycat, would help old folks over the road! … bit of a space cadet right enough though.

“I’ll give you a number 4 so its no too short for you” she said.

“Nah, its a number 1 I want”

“Alright son … Youre the Boss”

My mother almost fainted.

Ive no paid for a haircut in 15 years! I do it masel now.

So hats, caps and bunnets (whatever name you give them) have always been a staple of my wardrobe. Make you feel great they do and I end up getting very attached to them. My current favourite is a dark green woollen effort – resembles an eastern block soldiers cap.

Its part of me.

Love the BawBags … Love the Bunnet.

Oh! … And nothing, I repeat NOTHING beats a woman in a hat.

When you see a bird wearing a good hat and she’s carrying it off with a bit of style … its pure magic!

Ma heart gives a wee flutter so it does …

Thats Kinky – in a gentle way.

Im Gently Kinky.

Call The Polis!

… please

Wow!!!

And I truly mean that.

This book is fantastic.

Please read it.

P.S. – Happy Death to Saddam … mibbe he shoulda read this book before the hanging … it was all for nothing mate – pie in the sky – claptrap of the highest order.