Harry BawBags Blurt

Listen …

Bawbags isnae a miserable bastard!

Hes no a Grinch!

And neither is he the type of bloke tae pour scorn on aw the celebrations that this time o year seems tae promise.

Its just that this time last year I was cleaning a bank of manky fryers and this time round I am planning to go ta ma bed before the bells.

No Drink. No Party. No First Footing with a lump o coal.

Nah.

Im getting up at 5am in order tae get on the road tae drive almost the whole length of this sceptered isle.

Hogmanys no what it used tae be anyway … people get oot of their boxes most weekends these days – so its no like its anything unique eh?

But never mind me!

This is a message to YOU!

Aw the very best for the coming year & have a stoater of a night the night!!!

Ye Deserve it!!!

31 the Day eh?!!!

I stripped naked in front of ma mothers full length mirror and viewed the damage.

Ach! … Could be a lot worse!!!

Gies a kiss ya sexy beast!!!

I apologise for the lack of care and attention lately.

I have been so pre-occupied with my struggle against other humans I have neglected you.

Its a sin!!!

I should have been telling you all along … but … but … oh fuck it –

Ive been getting quite stoned this month. Smoking like a silly tit teenager!!!

Sorry,

BawBags

PS- Aw the best

…it does however ignore its own blog on occasion.

Ah needed tae get away.

I had no form of transport though and hadnt driven in two years.

I phoned a local used car dealer that I knew … I had catered for his sons wedding and his 60th birthday celebration at cost price a couple of years ago … he always said that if I ever wanted a motor he wouldnae rip me off and a good solid deal would be done.

Within two days ah had a tidy wee Peugot 206 added to ma list of posessions – 4 Grand it was – Nice.

Ah gave masel a day to pack and a day to say ma goodbyes.

It was sad to see the back of Heartbreak Hotels owner and residents … they had accepted me to their bosom in my time of need, my fall from grace.

I paid Patel the rest of the months rent in lieu of giving notice of me leaving. There was a tear in his eye. No Joke. Ah felt kinda weepy masel.

Ah knocked on the Jakeys door and there he was, true as ever, steamboats on a Wednesday afternoon. “Away up that stairs mate and treat yersel tae whatevers left” … and there was a lot – furniture, white goods, soft furnishings, food etc that there was no point in me weighing masel down with. You shoulda seen his face – Christmas in April eh? That flat of his must be the talk of the Jakeys Guild at the moment. Good Luck tae the old boy!!!

The Pot Dealing Distillery Worker wasnae in … visiting his missus in Dundee by all accounts. Ah slipped a wee note under his door – “Thats me off mate … Ahll write ye soon … Aw the best”.

As for the new couple who had moved in below me … they didnae get any farewells … they had kept me awake with their constant happy hardcore for days by then.

I will miss those people and they have been the source of much to me … exactly what I am not yet sure … but I may get my shit together and set it all down in words someday – A Sitcom? A Drama? … or just some tubes mindless ramblings.

Whatever … The Culture Show can wait for the moment.

So that was me … 30 years of age, and all my valued posessions could fit quite comfortably into the back of a dark green Peugeout 206 … where did ah go wrong eh?

Ach, It wasnae that bad …

Greens always been ma favourite colour.

I drank for a few more days and kept masel strictly tae masel.

Ah wis stumped … no two ways aboot it.

And then something changed.

Ah wis roused by the shuffle selection of my iPod.

It decided to select “Digital” by Joy Division … Glib as that may sound … but it got me going again.

“Feel it closin in … day in day out”.

Ah was havin a wee jig around the breakfast bar and feeling some kinda resolve rising in me.

It was time for BawBags tae move on.

Again.

I wasnt sure how at the time but the decision was made in that very moment.

Funny that eh? … the cathartic power of music … but thats how it was.

Ahll be on The Culture Show next …

Ho Hum

I got back from France and almost immediately phned my prospective Bossman to tell him that I wasnt interested in being in his employ.

Nae chance … my life would be up the swanney for years to come.

So that was me unemployed.

Poor BawBags.

I visited ma Polish girlfriend for a few days in Aberdeen. She almost fainted when she seen ma hand. I went to the hospital and had an x-ray done – the bones looked like crazy paving. I wouldve been signed off work for at least a month anyway … so that was kind of fortuitous.

I enjoyed her company greatly and told her upon leaving that the next few weeks were gonna be a bit awry for me on account of having no fucking clue as to my next step … I would be in touch as soon as I saw the light at the end of it … I think she thought it was over … good soul that she is.

I returned to the confines of BawBag Towers and drank solidly for a week.

Ho Hum.

I was slipping back to what I had been a few years ago and it was making a nasty wee dent in my new found bank balance.

I went up the High Street one day and bumped into an acquaintance – “See your ex is gettin married soon – ah wis speakin tae her in the pub last night”.

All of a sudden ma world seemed to shrink tae nothing.

Ah went back tae ma flat and had a wee cry tae masel.

Life eh?

That is what I have been up to the day.

Ma job has been hitting me very hard lately so fuck it – I took the day off. I had a dickie stomach right enough but then again I have seen me going to work suffering from three broken ribs in the past – so its no like me at all.

I think I have reached some kindae critical mass within masel … so I have taken this bank holiday monday off just tae get ma heid the gether.

And while sitting in a darkened room doing this very thing I thought about ma blog. Do I have some kinda bloggers block? No! Its just that I need tae recount all the stuff that has happened tae me over the last few months before I can start writing what is happening to me the noo … and thats what Im finding a bit of a grind.

I had it all planned out too cause they were very eventful months.

BUT

I gotta put it aside and start blogging about the present.

SO

Im gonna Turbo Blog tae fill in all the gaps …

Excuse the lack of detail.

Onwards…