Harry BawBags Blurt

So yesterday after finally managing to procure some petrol for the motor, I started to make the journey to my kitesurf lesson. As soon as I arrived at the rendevous point I receive a call from the instructor – last minute cancellation due to “Lumpy” offshore wind.

Lumpy Wind?

Sounds like a fart with follow-through! … but it does exist … and it wouldve made my lesson very unrewarding apparently.

Mother Nature conspires against Bawbags!

Billy Connolly once said there is no such thing as bad weather … only the wrong clothes.

But in the world of the fledgling kitesurfer there are a multitude of weather variables which can scunner their progress … least of all the clothes they wear.

Then again, having to huff and puff their way into a skin tight winter wetsuit while only wearing a pair of speedos would put some off … and having to do that amongst a throng of shoppers on the beachfront esplanade (as it is in Bawbags case) … would put off a hell of a lot more.

Luckily Bawbags knows no shame and laughs in the face of body image consultants!!!

Aye! … Its Me! … Standing almost starkers right infront o ye ootside Sainsburys! … Whits that you say? I hear theyve got a special on chipolatas the day? HoHoHo! Well hang aboot and watch me struggle intae that wetsuit darlin … ahm guaranteed tae go arse over tit!

You get the drift …

Disnae affect me though … infact I was toying with the idea o gettin a really garish pair of swim trunks just to attract that wee bit more attention … leopard print … or maybe a teeny weeny yellow polka dot affair.

Keep the crowds amused eh?

Nah no really … black regulation speedos and super quick changing skills are my forte …

Like a cross between Duncan Goodhew and Superman in the phone box … ahve even practiced the routine in the comfort of ma bedroom.

Had the girlfriend in stitches when she caught me at it.

And that was in the warm!!!

Anyhow, I digress …

So I made my way to the local watersports shop and spent almost a week and a halfs graft on the following item …

I have one question.

How can they justify something no more than 5mm thick costing that much?

Magic Carpet or what?!!!!

Well it bloody well better exhibit some of those qualities when I finally get it out in the water … keeping me out of the stuff would be a good place tae start!

Aw the best.

(Ahm pure delighted wi it really)