Harry BawBags Blurt

It was magic as it happens … Ta fir askin!

As it was a VERY late deal Bawbags got from First Choice the accomodation was going to be “allocated on arrival”.

I had prepared the missus for the worst by recounting stories of having to sleep in holes in walls and food poisoning while backpacking in Morrocco. After getting her suitably prepared for the worst we were shocked when we were taken to the 4 star Hotel Panaromica which overlooked the whole of Madeiras capital Funchal.

It wis ace ahm tellin ye.

Now lets get this straight at this point … I was breaking new ground for myself here – Bawbags is NOT the Package Holiday kinda guy … and this was the first I had ever been on.

Thoughts of a regimented itinerary, bus tours and the like were kinda freaking me oot a bit … but it turns oot that you could do whatever you liked if you wanted to – and thats exactly what we chose to do.

Apparently Madeira is for the Newly Weds and the Nearly Deads … all honeymooning couples and Old Age Pensioners.

After scruitinisation I found that analysis to be half true – I couldnt see any Honeymooners – it felt like we were the youngest holidaymakers on the island!!!

Take the hotel for example … it was full of Dutch and Germans in their socks and sandals, cargo shorts and hearing aids.

It was surreal – but in a nice and gentle way.

God only knows what they thought of us pair.

Now heres a weird thing – the hotel didnt pipe the normal smorgasbord of Muzak into the lifts … Nah, none o that shite … they had somehow managed tae get a hold of a recording of 80s AOR heroes Tpau in concert … and thought “This shit will do”.

Random or What?!!!

That old tart Carol Decker would be delighted she still has an audience!!!

I even serenaded the missus with a heart felt singalong to “Heart and Soul” until an elderly Dutch couple entered the lift and just stared in silence at us – I carried on regardless.

On another occasion the missus went for a swim in the outdoor swimming pool on the roof – when she came back she was slightly pertubed and told me that a big fat old German bloke had approached her and asked her where she was from.

She had told him that she was from Poland and that kinda drew a blank from him.

“Next time he speaks tae ye be more specific”, I said …

“Tell him youre from Auschwitz!!!”

Watch him squirm!!!

Who would be German if you had a choice eh?

No me ahm tellin ye!

Needless to say we didnt spend much time at the hotel – it was great though – people staying there were paying up to three times what we paid.

Ha!

Everyone cheer First Choice with your “Accomodation allocated on arrival” !!!

Bawbags 1 – Life 0