iPhone Test
July 22, 2008 at 11:22 pm | In Apple | 2 CommentsTags: iPhone
Awrite there?
This post is a wee test fae blogging fae ma iPhone …
… It’s gotta become a “Useful Article” !!!
Holiday!!!
July 3, 2008 at 4:48 pm | In Work, polish | Leave a CommentTags: Driving, Holidays, Luton Airport, Sleep
Today is the first day of a four day break for BawBags!
And what have I done? … no much … the the time is now 17.35 and here I am still in ma shreddies … and what am I about to do? … go back to bed!
With good reason however …
At 1am tomorrow morning Im driving out tae Luton Airport with the missus tae pick up her little twin sisters who are coming over from Poland for a holiday.
Its a four an a half or five hour drive … then probably a one or two hour wait at the airport … then probably a six or seven hour drive back – what with the rush hour traffic on the M25 and all that.
Dont get BawBags wrong, im looking forward to seeing them and the bird has been buzzing about it for weeks now …
The weekend is probably gonna see a lot of mileage too … taking them round the sights and stuff … ah just hope ma wee motor can take the stress thats aw!
Ach … it’ll be a hoot!!!
Aw the best!
Multicultural Mirth
July 3, 2008 at 3:21 pm | In Work | Leave a CommentTags: German, Laugh, Nazi, Work
Weve got a couple of German lads workin in the restaurant at the moment … theyre funny guys and ah get on well with them and indulge in a wee bit of freindly banter whenever ah can.
When service is goin mental and the noise is too much to hear anything in the kitchen they often signify 2 minutes/2 bays/2 starters by sticking theyre two fingers up …
“Aye! Victory! yer gettin yer own back noo eh!” ah always shout tae them … it goes unheard and they just smile.
Then the other day, after the German defeat by Spain at the football, we were aw sittin doon at a table eatin and they started tae talk about it …
“Aye!” ah says tae them … ” you Germans have got a habit of losing in Europe eh?!”
Ma polish girlfriend dug me so hard in the ribs the soup came oot ma nose!
Ye gotta have a laugh eh?
Multicultural Madness …
July 3, 2008 at 3:21 pm | In Hate, Work | Leave a CommentTags: Chef, Lazy, Spanish, Work
Ive been gettin intae a wee bit of trouble at work lately … none of which is directly my fault but I wanna give you an insight intae the kinda environment that work is for BawBags … just so ye can guage wether aw this chagrin that comes from ma keyboard is justified …
Ah get called intae see the personnel officer the other day and she tells me tae take a seat …
Here we go ah thought …
So she proceeds tae tell me that one of ma kitchen porters has handed in his notice on the grounds of him being discriminated against in the workplace … pure fumin she wis!!!
Whit?!!! Ah was pure stumped … theyre aw wankers ah thought … but DISCRIMINATION!!! … nah … no on BawBags watch!
Turns oot that its this Spanish bloke Ive got – middle aged, long haired, greasy, useless, unwashed spic that he is. (And he IS … Im sorry but he truly is).
“He feels that its unfair that he has not had an opportunity to carry out any food preparation duties” she tells me …
“Ok, Listen” ah butt in … “If thats the way its gonna be then ah admit to it – ah DO discriminate against him!”
Shouldve seen her face when ah said that! … trippin over it she wis!
“But ah dont discriminate against him cause hes Spanish … I discriminate against him cause he is lazy, filthy and irresponsible … he is just no up to working a day within a kitchen that the Enviromental Health can unexpectedly turn up and close down in”
“He cant be that bad” she says …
Steam comin oot ma ears ah tell her politely that he is …
“Well Ive had a good long chat with him and he is willing to retract his notice if he is given food prep duties in the future … so id like you to rota him on food prep all next week … the company cant be seen to be discriminating against any foreign workers …”
“Youd like me to … or I have to?”
She told me I NEEDED to.
FUX SAKE! … I wouldnt trust him with a dogs dinner never mind another fellow human beings.
So there ye go – BawBags the Head Chef has no say whatsoever on who works in his team … and bloody well look out if I dont treat them with Kid Gloves.
What kinda Head Chef is that?
Ach well … that Don Quixote of the Dishwash better get his tattie peelin head on … cause I aint lettin him near anythin else!
I escaped out of work this morning …
July 3, 2008 at 12:36 am | In Bawbags Health, Work | 1 CommentTags: Breakfast, Chef, Halal
… and ah didnae think twice.
BawBags is tired.
All those idiots I have to suffer.
None of them fit to be in a kitchen … And thats the truth.
I have worked five 13 hour shifts in a row and today was supposed be ma sixth. Ah slept in, which is VERY unusual for BawBags, and arrived at 6.30am instead of the usual 5.30am.
It shouldve been ok … I had one of my chefs start at 6 … I say shouldve but this guy is as much use as an ashtray on a moped.
Breakfast this week was simple … a canteen affair … basic fare of bacon, beans and grilled tomatoes is all that was required today – 500 covers right enough! .. but when its that simple any tube should manage it nae bother.
So in walks Bawbags an hour before service and heres this monkey sitting on top of a chest freezer … picking his nose, reading the paper and listening tae the radio. He had one tray of bacon under a grill. ONE TRAY !!! No beans in the steamer yet. No tomatoes sliced either.
No a word fae Bawbags tho (having been advised tae temper his temper earlier this week) … ah dived intae the action – got the beans in a combination oven and dragged oot the trolley with the other thirty trays o bacon on oot the fridge and fired up the other three grills … as ah did that though ah came over all funny and ah swear tae christ ah nearly fainted!
In the space of the last four weeks I have battled through two dog nasty chest infections … it has weakened me like nothing before. Its worrying as I have never been that ill twice in a DECADE before … never mind a month!
Ah steadied masel and waited for ma second wind tae kick in – BawBags is like Lazarus usually … but it took a couple o minutes longer than expected.
Ah looked at the other chef and thought “Nah … Fuck it!”.
“Hoi! … Dickie!!!” ah shouts over to him … thats no his name … its an antiquated term used by chefs for other chefs that I have been in the habit of using lately (If yer the Head Chef yer the Head Dickie, if yer a commie chef yer just plain Dickie … get the drift?) … anyway ma brigade think its a form of camaraderie between us all … but I emphasise the DICK part whenever I say it … and that way they cannae have me for it! … and said with enough venom the message is clearly understood by all.
“Theres yer bacon, youve got 45minutes … get yer fuckin fingers oot yer holes … yer on yer own. If yer a cook ye can manage it.”
He started tae remonstrate but ah didnae give him the chance … BawBags was oot the door intae the changing room.
As ah was getting oot ma whites and intae ma civvies ah remembered about the special diets we have in this week.
So ah popped ma head round the door before ah left the building and shouted “Hoi … Dickie! … yer first 70 guests are Halal … make sure theyve got a cooked option to have!”
“Whats Halal?” He says …
“Like ah said, if yer a cook ye can manage it, and thats what theyre payin ye tae be!”
A told the restaurant staff tae pass a message onto the Catering Manager to say that ahm no fit for work … and BawBags was oot the door and off back tae his bed.
Ah hope they Islamics like Rice Krispies!!!
The Money Pit …
July 3, 2008 at 12:36 am | In Kiting, Shopping | Leave a CommentTags: Aquapac, Kite Leash, Money Pit, Water Safety, Wetsuit Boots
Nah!
No the film … although ah do kinda like it though … Tom Hanks before he was annoying and all that!
The Money Pit ahm referring to is ma kitesurfing … the following purchases have been made recently -
Number One – A pair of Wetsuit Boots …
To keep ma wee toes fae droppin aff fae the cold … Also handy for pretending to be a ninja while nobodys about.
Number Two – A Kiteboard Leash …
To stop me losing ma board or getting ma heid spliced open in the event of a wipeout … which is a regular event.
Number Three – An Aquapac for a mobile phone …
It keeps a phone water tight and can be used to make calls while at sea … bit silly you may think? … My Instructor said ” …if it all goes tits up and youre getting dragged further out to sea … swim to your kite in the water, sit in the bloody thing and phone the coastguard”
Magic eh … whit if yer oot of credit!
Total Price – 105 pounds and 9 new pence.
Ouch!
The New iPhone …
July 3, 2008 at 12:36 am | In Apple | 1 CommentTags: iPhone
Anyone else excited by its imminent arrival?
Ah ahm!
Being an Apple fanboy I have owned an iPhone for quite a few months now … theyre the mutts nutts despite what any Nokia N95 or whatever it is now owners say …
ITS THE INTERNET IN YOUR POCKET you idiots!
Okay, the camera on it is shite … but ive got a digital camera that fits in ma pocket too!
Bawbags disnae care whit ye say!
Have a look at ma Blogs Menu on it …
All my fave bloggers … yer only a finger tap away!!!
Now how good is that!
Ma Willy & Ma New Kiteboard …
June 20, 2008 at 8:40 pm | In Shopping, flexifoil, kite | 2 CommentsTags: Kitesurf
So yesterday after finally managing to procure some petrol for the motor, I started to make the journey to my kitesurf lesson. As soon as I arrived at the rendevous point I receive a call from the instructor – last minute cancellation due to “Lumpy” offshore wind.
Lumpy Wind?
Sounds like a fart with follow-through! … but it does exist … and it wouldve made my lesson very unrewarding apparently.
Mother Nature conspires against Bawbags!
Billy Connolly once said there is no such thing as bad weather … only the wrong clothes.
But in the world of the fledgling kitesurfer there are a multitude of weather variables which can scunner their progress … least of all the clothes they wear.
Then again, having to huff and puff their way into a skin tight winter wetsuit while only wearing a pair of speedos would put some off … and having to do that amongst a throng of shoppers on the beachfront esplanade (as it is in Bawbags case) … would put off a hell of a lot more.
Luckily Bawbags knows no shame and laughs in the face of body image consultants!!!
Aye! … Its Me! … Standing almost starkers right infront o ye ootside Sainsburys! … Whits that you say? I hear theyve got a special on chipolatas the day? HoHoHo! Well hang aboot and watch me struggle intae that wetsuit darlin … ahm guaranteed tae go arse over tit!
You get the drift …
Disnae affect me though … infact I was toying with the idea o gettin a really garish pair of swim trunks just to attract that wee bit more attention … leopard print … or maybe a teeny weeny yellow polka dot affair.
Keep the crowds amused eh?
Nah no really … black regulation speedos and super quick changing skills are my forte …
Like a cross between Duncan Goodhew and Superman in the phone box … ahve even practiced the routine in the comfort of ma bedroom.
Had the girlfriend in stitches when she caught me at it.
And that was in the warm!!!
Anyhow, I digress …
So I made my way to the local watersports shop and spent almost a week and a halfs graft on the following item …
I have one question.
How can they justify something no more than 5mm thick costing that much?
Magic Carpet or what?!!!!
Well it bloody well better exhibit some of those qualities when I finally get it out in the water … keeping me out of the stuff would be a good place tae start!
Aw the best.
(Ahm pure delighted wi it really)
Its like learning tae drive …
June 18, 2008 at 8:27 pm | In Kiting | Leave a CommentTags: kite
Remember the anxiety … the reverse around a corner … thats the one that always got me.
I just could never get the hang of it and use tae dread it whenever the driving instructor made me pull up in preparation for the bloody thing.
Ah hated ma driving lessons cause of it.
Made me feel like a right twat ahm tellin ye.
Well ahm kind feeling the same thing in the pit of ma stomach at this very moment in time … whys that Bawbags?
Well … Its the Kitesurf Waterstart.
Imagine going to a driving lesson and being shit at getting the key into the ignition … thats the only way I can relate it tae the driving analogy.
Ahve got a lesson the morrow ye see … and it aint gonna be on a wee cosy beach where ye can park yer arse in six inches of water and sit on the sand … Nah … its gonna be a mile out at sea, freezing cold water, the up and down of the swell and a harness that seems intent on dragging yer face into the board instead o yer feet!
Ahve never managed it without assistance so far and once Im up Im fine – ah can pure gie it laldy so ah can… but tomorrow is D-Day for me … ahve set maself the goal and ahve got tae get it the morrow.
Thing is … everytime ye mess it up and put one of those 12m kites in the wrong place at the wrong time … it bites ye …
BIGTIME!
Heres what ahm supposed tae be doin …
Seems simple eh? Effortless eh? Pretty into the bargain an all!!!
Is there nae justice in this world?
I want tae get it down so much ahve got butterflies right noo! … 12hours before the act!
Christ Almighty Bawbags … the things ye do for fun.
Whits aw the fuss?
June 18, 2008 at 7:09 pm | In Hate, Music | Leave a CommentTags: Music
Ive just caught the last few minutes of “Coldplay at the BBC”.
Am I missing something …
I just dont get them at all … whits wi the dress code – all battle weary and skanky – like theyve been through some ancient military campaign.
And as for the music … thats even more of a mystery tae me.
Listening tae them is like drinking over diluted Kiora …
Nah … its worse – mibbe even flat Lucozade from a warm cup (with tea stains on the bottom).
Coldplay fans must be tubes ahm tellin ye …
Ahm off tae listen tae Husker Du …
Now theres an album!
Aw the best for noo …
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